Tortured Love
by Hwoarang Girl
Summary: Obsessed in her belief that they share the 'perfect love' Rinoa drives Squall over the line between love & hate, and soon she sees her only option as suicide...


*~ Tortured Love ~*

Disclaimer: FFVIII & all related belong to Squaresoft. Do I look like them to you? No.

'_Thought'_

"Spoken"

~Flashback~

Genre: Drama/Angst (Rinoa death fic)

Content: Mild/medium language, depression, angst, anger, slight violence & eventual graphic suicide. Niiiiice.

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Squall hastily turned his back on Rinoa and walked as fast as he could from her without breaking into a run.They had just finished screaming to their hearts' content at each other again… recently there had been a lot of it. 

_'Endless bickering…' _

He thought as he strode towards his quarters in the dorms, his only sanctuary from all the strains and pressures of the outside world.

_'Hidden emotions…'_

As soon as Squall entered his room, he collapsed straight into the warmth and comfort of his bed, just as he did with every emotional problem he had. It was his little routine. He would come here and lay on his back thinking about it until he found some sense in it all. He wasn't void of his emotions here. It was the one place he felt he could be open with himself without drawing any attention – after all, not many would like to see their commander crying into a pillow or punching a wall in rage, as it would bring much anxiety, fear and doubts into his position as their leader.

_'Dying love.'_

That was it. His love for Rinoa was dying away. It wasn't because he found it hard to love, or any personal reasons of his own – but it still made him feel like a monster. It was for many reasons, all concerning _her_. But in the end they were caused by just one thing.    

_'She's unable to accept that our relationship isn't perfect.'_

She had believed it was their destiny to be together, and Squall had no problem with it. But he did have a problem with how she saw their love as _perfect_. No love was perfect. Nothing was. Every couple had problems; every relationship had its rocky points. But not in her eyes. She would just bury all her hurts, pain and anger deep inside. 

_'I feel as though I'm suffocating the more she's around.'_

She would never admit they had problems; she would always come back to him acting as if nothing had happened, as if everything _was_ perfect. It sickened him. It made him begin to… hate her. Squall stopped mid-thought as realization hit him.

_'I… hate her…?'_

Just then he heard a voice calling out to him.

"Squall! Squall…"

Squall sat up and grimaced in distress. "What do you want, Rinoa? I don't want to fight anymore!"

"I love you, Squall…"

'Any problem she has, she always tries to fix with those words… I… can't stand it anymore…' his eyes narrowed as he looked at her coldly, "For fucks' sake Rinoa, go away." 

"P…Pardon?"

" I said FUCK OFF!" he yelled, seething, as he gritted his teeth.

Rinoa stood on the spot, clutching her hands together in front of her chest. "You can't mean that Squall… you love me…" she whined.

There those forsaken words came again. Squall jumped off of his bed and clenched his fists tightly. He picked up his Gunblade and stabbed it into the wall right next to Rinoa's head viciously, making her yelp. 

"You don't get it, do you?" he growled at her, as he stood directly in front of her, "We had problems, just like everyone else. I acknowledged that, but you wouldn't, no matter how hard I tried to make you. We're not perfect, you're not perfect, and I'm not perfect. The more you denied that, the less I loved you, Rinoa. I can't take it anymore! I hate you Rinoa! I hate you! Hate you; hate you; HATE YOU!

Rinoa's eyes swelled with tears as she began to slowly edge back. "But Squall… I lo-"

"JUST STOP IT! STAY THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME! D'YA HEAR ME?!"

"B-"

"I HATE YOU RINOA! THAT'S WHY IT'S OVER BETWEEN US!"

Squall could feel tears begin to run down his face as he finished screaming at her, and he watched as Rinoa ran away, blubbering her heart out. He felt like such a monster. He put a hand to his head as he continued to weep, still leaning against the wall, leaving his Gunblade still stuck into it. 

"Oh…Jesus!" Irvine exclaimed as he came running over to Squall.

He had come to get Squall because they were all meant to be going out for a night together, but had been suspicious when Rinoa had pushed past him with her head down, and shocked when he spotted their commander. He carefully led Squall to his bed and sat him down.

"Jesus, Squall… are you okay?" he questioned frantically as he sat down next to him.

Squall sniffled, and tried to restrain himself from crying around anyone else – to no avail. "I…I…" he began to stutter, before Irvine shushed him.

"It's okay, just let it all out… I won't lose any respect I have for you if you cry, Squall," he soothed as he put an arm round the shaken teen and stroked his back restfully.

Squall leant in and finished his weeping as the taller boy watched over him.

*                              *                                *                                *                                *                                *

Rinoa wiped her eyes dry and took a deep breath.

_'Pull yourself together girl,' _she began to tell herself, _'He's just had a lot on his mind recently, and the stress from it caused him to snap at you. He never meant any of it… you're destined to be together…'_

"You been crying, Rinoa?" 

She awoke from her thoughts and looked up to see Selphie, Quistis and Zell all standing in front of her, staring at her. "Yeah…" she replied.

"Why?" Quistis inquired, "Another argument with Squall?"

Rinoa slowly nodded. 

"Again?! Already?!" Zell commented, receiving an icy glare from her.

She turned her focus back on Selphie and Quistis. "He's just been under a lot of stress lately, and is finding it hard to cope. Things will go back to usual soon." She added.

"It's a good thing we're taking him out tonight then!" Selphie exclaimed happily, dancing on the spot, "He'll finally relax and have some fun!"

"So are you coming tonight then, Rinoa?" Quistis asked.

"Okay! It'll be nice to go out with you guys for an evening!"

With that she ran off.

"She sure didn't wanna stay around." Zell sneered as they all carried on towards Squall's quarters.

*                             *                              *                              *                              *                              *

"Squall? Are you in there?" Quistis called as she gently rapped her nails against his door.

Irvine handed Squall a mug of hot tea before opening the door and greeting the others with a nod, then moved aside as they poured in single file over to their upset friend.

"Squally! Awww!" Selphie cried as she ran over and threw her arms round him, giving him a hug, "You gotta cheer up!"

Quistis sat down next to Squall and placed her hand over his, and squeezed it gently, whilst Zell gave him a sympathetic pat on the back. Irvine shut the door and sat down in front of them all.

"Thanks…" came Squall's response, which he enforced with a slight smile.

"That's a good sign," Quistis chuckled, "We got a smile out of him, even if it was only a slight one."

Selphie quickly hopped upon her feet and began jumping up and down on the spot, in her usual hyperactive manner. "You still up for coming out with us tonight?" she questioned.

Squall looked up and shook his head. "No, I… don't really feel like going out at the moment."

Irvine smiled. "I'll stay here and watch over him guys, you can still go."

Zell frowned. He still didn't really trust Irvine, and so, "Yeah, me too," he declared.

Selphie turned to Quistis.

"You still coming, Quisty?"

"Yeah. We can have a girl's night out."

Selphie proceeded in grabbing Quistis by the arms and dancing her around, then she turned and crouched in front of Squall. "Don't worry, we'll keep Rinoa out of your way!" she chirruped as she winked at him, then dragged Quistis out with her. "Take care of him Zell, Irvy!" she added.

*                             *                              *                              *                              *                              *

As Squall awoke, the following morning, he stretched out his arms and legs, yawning loudly. He hadn't noticed Zell sprawled out below his feet until he kicked him in the head, causing him to yell out in pain, waking up Irvine.

"Sorry Zell," he chuckled as he sat up, "I didn't realize you were there."

"Tch! Thanks a lot!"

Irvine chuckled as Zell scowled at Squall. They had all spent the whole night chatting, drinking and pissing about until the early hours of the morning, and were surprisingly energetic considering it.

Suddenly, they heard a knock at the door of Squall's quarters. Zell laid back, Irvine looked up at Squall questioningly, and Squall rose to his feet. "I'll get it."

He leapt over Zell's body and made his way over to the door. Upon opening it, he stepped back, grimacing in distress. 

"Squall… I…"

"Why the fuck are you here, Rinoa? I told you to stay the hell away from me!"

"But Squall…"

Irvine and Zell looked up and decided it was best for them to stay out of it. It was a private matter, and they thought it was best to leave.  As they walked past them both, Zell glared malevolently at Rinoa, while Irvine offered Squall a sympathetic glance. 

As soon as he was sure that his friends were far enough not to hear it, Squall turned to Rinoa. He wanted to scream at her. She was working down his sanity rapidly, and his patience had no more tolerance toward her. 

"Please, just leave, Rinoa. I broke up with you, meaning I don't want to face you. Please just go, and please just walk straight out of my life before it comes crashing down around me. I don't want to fight, or talk, I just want you to leave me be, for good." 

Rinoa looked up as the last two words echoed in her head.

'For…good…' 

And that was when she first found herself falling. Falling deeper and deeper, into oblivion. She was…all on her own, left helpless. How could she face the world? How could she cope on her own?

She nodded her head, as her eyes began to water.  "I'm… so sorry Squall… I... I…I…"

She couldn't go on anymore, and so she quickly spun round and ran off, leaving a trail of crystal delicate tears that shattered as they hit the cold, harsh floor. Just like she had as she hit the cold harshness of life. 

Squall watched and sighed. He felt awful – and yet so… relieved.  He was finally free from suffocation, free from pain, free from…her. "Sorry… Rinoa…" he whispered as he watched her disappear, "But its part of life… to live you have to feel hurt, pain, anger… there's no such thing as… perfect love."

Perhaps that was just too much for someone of her ideals to understand. She had to adapt to life, or it would crush her. 

If only they had all known that she was already crushed by it.

*                             *                              *                              *                              *                              *

'No such thing as perfect love…? How can you live believing that, Squall?' 

Rinoa pushed her way into his quarters and checked there was no one round. No one was to get in her way. No one was going to stop her from her last attempt to prove their love _was perfect_. 

'This world… has corrupted your heart Squall… I know you love me…we're destined for each other…but this way of life, this purpose you serve has made you shut your eyes, so I will…open them for you…you just wait and see Squall…' 

She picked up his Gunblade and looked at it reflecting the light that was flooding in from the window, as she started to stare hard at her own reflection in it.

'I'm strong enough to do this for us Squall… if I cannot have you in this cold cruel world then I'll have you in the one that lies beyond it, just you and me, Squall, for all of eternity…'

"I love you Squall," came her last words before she turned his sparkling blade towards her chest, "My heart belongs to you," she thrust it straight through her chest, and out of her back. Right through her heart, tearing a hole straight through her body, shattering some ribs and slicing up about a half of the muscle intended. 

 She smiled sadistically as she felt her heart giving up on her. She was light-headed, drowsy, and the tingle of her warm blood that was gushing all down her chest and back was…soothing.

She held her head up high, and dare not look down at what she had inflicted upon herself. The agonising pain was but a gift to her, a welcomed addition. Her tears and blood began to flow into each other as they rolled so easily down her pale face. 

"I love you, Squall!" she cried out as her struggled grip felt its way round the Gunblade handle and she spun it round 90°, instantly spewing blood everywhere as she destroyed the last of her wasted heart, turning it into a giant hole in her body.

She fell down, her warm blood still rapidly flowing out, staining her surroundings.

Dead. 

*                              *                              *                              *                              *                              *

The whole of the gang had stayed back after her funeral, to lay everything to rest. 

Her suicide had shocked them all beyond belief. All except Squall. He just happened to return to his quarters just as she inflicted her final blow, and had heard her last words.

~ "I love you, Squall!" ~

Selphie had broken down at the sight of the beautiful white marble angel grave, and was hugging Quistis, crying upon her shoulder. Quistis was crying too, but she had only started when Selphie turned upon her for support. 

With Squall in mind, Zell and Irvine had kept their tears in, expressing them only as watery eyes and shivering breaths.  But Squall, had taken it the best. No tears, no raw emotion – just void.  

"Perhaps it had been the shock of seeing her do it?" Irvine had suggested to Zell, under his breath.

Zell had merely shrugged in response, and then seconds later spoke out. "Squall, I think it's gettin' a bit to much for the ladies," peering back at the weeping melancholic figures, "we're gonna go back to Garden."

Zell patted him on the back and began to walk off, back from the beautiful scenery of the astounding flower garden of Centra, and out through Edea's house.  

Selphie ran over, smiling through her tears and gave Squall and big hug as she spoke in a quiet, quivering voice to him, "We're all here for you Squall…" and she stepped back, waiting for Quistis.

Quistis hugged him next, after wiping away her tears, "You don't have to suffer in silence around us, Squall…" she added, then joined Selphie and both ran to catch up to Zell.

Irvine placed a hand on Squall's shoulder. " We all want to help you through this, whatever it takes." He walked off, following the others, stopping and peering back at him before walking out of sight.

Squall didn't know how to feel, or react to the whole incident. 

All he knew was one thing.

'I love you, Squall' were her last words… but he didn't love her. He had, once, but didn't now. He bent down to his knees and looked up at her grave. 

"I don't love you, Rinoa."

He stood up and began to walk away. He felt bad because he didn't love her and he felt bad that he had broke his promise.

~ "I'll be here, waiting for you, so if you come here you'll find me, I promise." ~

"I'm sorry, Rinoa… but you have to let everything go in the end, and you've just let me go. I won't be here waiting for you… you won't find me again…"

He sighed, picking a beautiful white blossomed rose, and a small budded red rose, and placed them down, crossed over each other beside the white marble.

"Its how life goes, because you believe in a perfect love, you made ours a tortured love,"

He paused, before saying his final words to her.

"Rest in peace, Rinoa."

And with that, he walked away from her for good.

 


End file.
